Lesson No. 1 - Nothing lasts forever
Three years had passed. The bitter end to a time I thought would never end. And it’s because people toss the word “forever” around a bit too loosely these days, but this period of my life taught me that - and this isn’t necessarily a reason to be sad - nothing lasts that long.
That was September 2007. The conclusion of the longest romantic relationship I ever had, which ended with great disappointment for me of course! Another three years have gone by since and, as if on cue, it is again September putting an end to another romantic chapter of my life. The Daphne era ends today.
Lesson No. 2 - Don't take anything for granted
Unexpected is how I’d describe my falling for Daphne . She was a mere acquaintance I saw every now and then at a particular location at CSUN. Getting her phone number was kind of an accident. And she simply made me fall because of the “it” factor: That factor which is too difficult to describe, but that one just feels inside. You feel me?
The only problem was that I was a bit scarred from my prior three-year relationship and did not want to commit out of the fear of being hurt. Nothing new, right? Surprisingly, though, Daphne was about as understanding about this as one can be. Starting March 2008, we became unofficial “exclusives.”
But of course, eventually - more than a year later … yes I waited that long, but I swear I was coming around! - that got old, and she got fed up. I screwed up big time by not giving her the amount of attention she deserved. I just thought she'd always be there. By the time I wanted to make amends, she had moved on. Very silently.
Lesson No. 3 - Screw dieting, get depressed
I mean, she could have said something, no? I was devastated. It felt like never-ending gut-punching that was making me thinner by the day (I've always said there's nothing like depression when you want to lose weight).
I just wasn't hungry. That was September 2009. What a horrible month that was. Not only had Brett Favre beat the 49ers with a last-second Hail Mary, but Daphne was officially dumping ME … ME!
SMH.
Lesson No. 4 - For whatever reason ... they always resurface
She came back briefly a couple months after, but disappeared again. She started talking to me, then stopped, and I was left wondering what in blazes that meant. I did way too much thinking over the following months, mainly regretful thoughts.
And then, like Brett Favre, she came back again. In May, after six months of not acknowledging each other’s existence, she texted me a random message. Things seemed to go well at times from that point on. She texted me and we hung out in a couple of occasions, but then there were times in which she barely talked to me and went MIA for days.
It was hot and cold with her. She changed her mind like a girl changes clothes.
Lesson No. 5 - People change
I was trying really hard, but she kept up the interested/not-interested routine. When I'd try to bring it up, she'd say something like, "stop being a girl."
Who WAS this chick? Not the one I fell for. That's for sure.
It was getting very annoying (like Favre), so I summoned a meeting with her to lay out my frustrations. She usually didn’t like to express her feelings, but I insisted so much that night that she finally told me what I needed to hear.
She said she didn’t want to get close to me and “feel like an idiot.” She didn’t trust my feelings for her no matter how much I tried to assure her that they were good and sincere.
Or was she bullshitting me? (Is that you I hear screaming "yes!"?)
“I don’t really know what I want,” Daphne said.
No freaking shit! Why else would this girl act one way one day and a different way the next? I absolutely knew that was the issue, but I just needed to hear it from her.
Lesson No. 6 - The ugly truth shall set you free
It kind of felt like she was totally paying me back by acting the way I used to act with her.
That night wasn't completely catastrophic. I actually felt good following this exchange because I found out exactly where I stood. It was sad, but it gave me peace. I had done everything within my power to try and make it a happy ending between me and her. It just wasn’t "meant to be," I suppose.
As disappointing as it is to accept that what you want most in the world cannot be, that moment of acknowledgment is what releases you from that almost-evil love spell. Once that happens, there's no going back ... Nice to have met you, Daphne.
Lesson No. 7 - Nothing lasts forever
You live, you love, you suffer. And sometimes you think you'll never stop loving them, or suffering for them. But you do. It happens to everyone without exception.
And then someone else comes in, and you get to do it all over again. And again. And again.
I'm thankful that nothing lasts forever.
Next, please.